Slow Going

The sky was a mix today - grey early on, and a tiny patch of blue came through, making one feel hopeful about the coming storm.  The temperature sits at 64 degrees fahrenheit.  Today is Friday.

Watching the process of decline due to long life is slow going.  The body for some may be fine, but the mind for most begins to depart with its sharpness and focus. The experience of standing by with someone who is on the long journey that comes when mind goes first and body continues strong is one thing.  The other way around - where the body is relatively sound and the mind starts fading is quite another.  In our family, we are having the experience of both happening at the same time with one parent in bed and "alive" only because of the precious work of a caregiver who covers essential morning and evening routines;  and the other almost "too alive" with a constant itch to be out and about, but no longer having access to a car.

The conversations that loved ones have with their elders are very similar across all families, it seems.  There is the concern about not having the resources for constant care, the resentment over losing freedom to come and go as one wishes, the loss of memory that frustrates every day living in tension with the belief that one can still do everything that needed to be done as in five or more years ago.  

This is another kind of change.  For the elders who have loved ones far away it requires dedication to staying in touch and resources if a personal visit is needed or wanted.  For the younger ones who most likely have families still in need of support from an adult, a job, and other commitments that may require time and energy into other spaces - it is another kind of change management skill (mostly a balancing act).

What is common in all situations is that it is essential to have a personal practice in which the intention is self-care and compassion.  It is one thing to dedicate oneself to being in service - and rare for a person to be able to do that one hundred percent of the time.  There are a few who can accomplish this, among them there are sacrifices in other parts of life that have to be made in order to dance with the changes that longevity brings.

It's not so clear that humanity has done a service to future generations by having built so many ways to keep a body breathing.  When the essence has departed, is the fact of sustaining the coming/going of breath what we mean by "living" or "life?"  There's a big debate in today's media about this very question.

In the meantime, one can at least say that it is a blessing to be able to practice care in the face of life challenges that likely will have to be practiced more.  And, to experience the emotional tensions at the intersection of gratitude, love, frustration, exhaustion is probably something all will have to do at some point in life if not already doing so.  Finally, to train oneself to know compassion is a life skill in today's world and the slow going with change in transitions may come with ourselves at the center of it all.  It's possible.