If Only
The skies are wide and clear this morning; the temperature is 49 degrees fahrenheit and today in Saturday.
It was a beautiful drive up Hwy 5. The day opened for us in a way that was gentle and inviting with no traffic so the trip was faster than we expected - even with a full stop along the way. Plenty of trucks and fewer cars on a Friday as we made our way north.
The news was boring because it was so predictably bad, frustrating, and numbing. So time for a podcast: listening to Salman Rushdie talking about his personal brush with death and his book, "Knife." What a beautiful example of the way in which our shadow selves can take over the self that we all think we are. If only we could wake up to how easily the mutation takes place. We are not, in fact, in control of our own destinies or even our identities. He had allowed himself to indulge in the notion that the world would see him only as an artist writer. But that is not what the events described in his book show. Things happen and we are there. Sometimes, no matter how insulated a life, tragedy can enter. Then what?
It happens all the time. People go into politics for all the right reasons. Then, as they enter and begin playing at a new level of social engagement, things morph into something that requires a different set of values to frame daily living. Not only does the mind change, the bodies change too! How many people have gone from active, sharp, focused attention on solutions to problems often called "intractable" only to find themselves getting foggier in their analyses, doubting a decision, and yes - gaining a lot of weight due to too many meet ups over food? If only they could resist - but they can't. The move into power is seductive – so much so that leaders of entire societies will sacrifice thousands of their own people's lives to take control. If only they knew - they are not going to be satisfied if they achieve their end, and the framework itself may be all wrong. Would they do it again?
We struggle with knowing that things are not right; we find ourselves doing things and even in the midst of that doing, there is an awareness that what is going on is not what should be happening. But there is something irresistible about staying in a place of (self) indulgence. And there are plenty of rationales for doing so - "they need me", "no one will know what to do if I am not here", "the mission will never be accomplished without my direction because they just don't have the experience." And so on. If only the realization about yielding and timing were there. In yielding, there is no loss of control or influence. In fact, it is the next step in the path to enlightenment!
If only we knew and could accept that the practice of engaging, swirling together, making mistakes and re-engaging, and then finally letting go is exactly what we do in life. And the last part is of utmost importance because there is a glorious way to do all of it and rise to the highest level of energy and contribution to futures we all will miss.