I still believe...

It's Saturday and a lot is happening. A long time has passed since my last post. Last night I told a friend I would start writing again. There are about 150 writings, some of which have been shared, that need to be edited and put together for some kind of new piece to add into the world of words.

The inspiration to create something out of nothing is what makes it possible to go on the hunt for joy and to find it – even in the most chaotic and confusing of times. For me, that inspiration comes when things are dark, not in motion, and without anticipation or regret about things that are outside of NOW. This is what meditation does for me.

Changing up the format here, allowing the reference to self to be used, taking in the creativity of another human - known or unknown to me personally - is an act of healing and expanding. Right now, so much healing is needed. The expanding allows each of us to move into new space where we can send out energy in the direction of caring for one another - no matter who we are, what language we speak, what faith tradition we choose to follow, whether we have material well-being or are struggling under the weight of systems that are broken.

The energy that brought me to this page today came from so many things that have happened lately. First, exactly a week ago today I shared space with hundreds of Korean Americans who represent the success stories of parents who came out of colonialism, immigration struggles, and sacrifice. The children became entrepreneurs, neurosurgeons, politicians, philanthropists, leading scholars in their field, and are in short - exceptional. The vibe in the collective of hundreds of such individuals made me think about how far this slice of the API community (Koreans) has come in three decades. I am still reflecting on what I saw, heard, felt.

Second, I met my namesake. That was sort of surreal. My name, a shared experience of 1992 - except I was 36 and she was just being born. And both of us from Los Angeles, both trained as lawyers, both a little delighted to meet one another. Again, still reflecting on what that was all about.

Finally, I woke up this morning listening to the voice of Dr. James Doty, reading his own book, "Into the Magic Shop" - right at the part where he was talking about his near death experience (NDE) when he and a bunch of his buddies had the unfortunate event of crashing into a tree after a night of too much alcohol. He was talking about "the white light" and the "river" of people - beloved, known and forgotten, the warmth of love that seemed to be what was pulling him in. Then suddenly, everything went in reverse and he was back in surgery - not altogether happy to be there. It seemed I had this audiobook reading going all night and I just came into awareness of it in this part of the reading - he was talking about the only thing to realize is that life is about love.

I've been there for many years now. Of course, before getting here, I had all the experiences that a person will have over several decades of being alive in this crazy world. But I am so grateful to have arrived at the place where I understand what it is to be human. Being human cannot be captured by studying, processing, analyzing, entering experiences into LLMs. Nope. The only way to finally get to the purpose of life is to sit in silence, or to have an NDE.

I don't know why, but this makes me feel very happy and very human.