Aging
This morning, coming out of REM sleep, there were three or four babies, smiling and laughing. I was laughing, too. I tickled fluffy feet, and did the thing elders do smiling right back into their faces. One was my friend's grand daughter, another was the daughter of our friend in Oakland, one was the son of a mixed race couple, and the third was my grand nephew. Mexican, Chinese, Korean, African. I touched their soft cheeks and it made them laugh even more.
Once I was like them. Then life opened up to a biological family, a community bordered by language and migration status, then entry into a broader space where we lived as a family in the Valley, then into schools with all kinds of people from many places, then friendship circles, then political and cultural communities, and now all of those experiences and relations bring me to what is called a chosen family circle. That's called "aging".
Some say that the experiences in life can be seen on a face. There are those who can "read" a face - just take a look at a person and know something that can be seen beyond the physical traits. Race, religion, politics - none of that is of consequence. Rather, there is an aspect of each of us that lies at the core - you could call it one's essence. And this is something that our ancestors knew about and took seriously. We have forgotten the importance of this skill so we judge and we become clever at hiding what we really see. It can be hard to share because we are conditioned not to welcome insights that are not flattering.
The elders can sometimes see something that the rest of us miss. And they are less concerned about flattery – they know there is no time to waste.
We have been taught to make our opinions based on things like physical appearance (sometimes tricky if cosmetic surgery has been done), costumes (the way a person dresses), money (the way material possessions show up), religion (the way people choose to pray), and much more. With time, we are conditioned to make judgments that are sometimes right about another human being; and sometimes very wrong. A person who appears as "disabled" may possess an ability that is unseen and even magical - until you take the time to know them. Then a discovery about a special "ability" is made (I'm thinking about a man who is blind but can see color!).
When you have enough encounters with people in everyday living, you realize that what you know is the product of how you choose to live in the world - limiting yourself to the folks who are much like you or exploring (not traveling internationally), beyond the borders of your physical, mental, spiritual existence. Sometimes, it is too much.
Especially as you age - you realize that thousands of faces have come across your screen and most of them, you haven't bothered to really see. Seeing, as you age, is not just with the eyes. If you have deeply reflected on your purpose in life, you begin to see with your heart, your ears, your gut. This seems to be a process of returning to a time when you could accept and find something valuable in each and every encounter. You also realize that every encounter is the last – never to be repeated on another day, in a different moment. It changes how you move in the world.
As it turns out, I have come to see that aging is a good process. Not always pleasant as the body starts to disintegrate. And we will never be as pure and joyful as those smiling babies that woke me this morning, but for sure, aging can also make life richer, more nuanced, more delicious - like cheeses and whiskey and...add whatever else you want here.